Craving Retrospect

You remember what you were wearing

what day of the week it was 

what time it was

but you don't remember how you felt.

You don't remember how when you saw us driving up that seemingly endless driveway you had an expression of misunderstanding and what looked like distaste. 

I didn't know what that look meant.

But I don't think you did either.

But, hey

We were only three.

The next day we sat eating popsicles while staring at eachother and trying to figure out what the other's presence meant.

I don't think we ever figured that out.

I don't know that we ever will.

What I do know is that 

while I'm watching you go through the pain

                                                                                                   and the pain.....

                                                                                                                   and the pain....

and I still don't know.

And it makes me wish I could be back in the time where I didn't have to figure that out.

We don't have our VCR anymore because you labeled it "out-dated"

After that it came and went just like the memories it played and the waves at the beach we went to before we found out.

Before we found out that we may not need our camera anymore.

Because if there are no more memories to made then there is nothing to reminisce.

I want to keep reminiscing.