Sunday, December 21, 2014

La Fin

I'm no Cobain,
Soli, 
Abbey, 
Blackwell,
or even a Bevan.

I'm not sure what a Bevan even is. 
All I know is that it is a name that belongs to a dora-esque girl on my favorite movie
Which I've only watched all the way through because it's two & a half hours long.

I'm just a girl who wants to start a riot.
A girl who doesn't quite see the point of the internet.
A girl who wants to see her brother get to have what she has
A teenage girl who waits 6 months to kiss another person.
A girl who hates her real name.

I am Madie Brown.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Craving Retrospect

You remember what you were wearing
what day of the week it was 
what time it was
but you don't remember how you felt.

You don't remember how when you saw us driving up that seemingly endless driveway you had an expression of misunderstanding and what looked like distaste. 
I didn't know what that look meant.
But I don't think you did either.
But, hey
We were only three.

The next day we sat eating popsicles while staring at eachother and trying to figure out what the other's presence meant.
I don't think we ever figured that out.
I don't know that we ever will.

What I do know is that 
while I'm watching you go through the pain
                                                                                                   and the pain.....
                                                                                                                   and the pain....
and I still don't know.
And it makes me wish I could be back in the time where I didn't have to figure that out.


We don't have our VCR anymore because you labeled it "out-dated"
After that it came and went just like the memories it played and the waves at the beach we went to before we found out.
Before we found out that we may not need our camera anymore.
Because if there are no more memories to made then there is nothing to reminisce.

I want to keep reminiscing.









Sunday, December 7, 2014

The Road Less Traveled


This isn't my newspaper blackout.
But I liked it better.
Essentially these things are created by thievery so why not make it two-tiered?

I took the road less traveled recently.
And when I say that I don't mean it in a figurative, metaphorical sense.
I mean that I was trying to find a campsite up AF canyon that once was a setting of many awkward kissing stories and where I sneaked-out for the first time to go camping with BOYS but I took a wrong turn.


For some reason I wanted to be reminded of those times that really everything was just as good and just as sucky as everything is now.
But I still call them "the good old days."

Everything is chang-ing
            and rearrang-ing
            and disappat-ing
which makes me feel like sobb                      
   ... Ignoring my responsibilities 
because then I won't have to worry about college
or a job
or my future.

I wanted everything to stay the same. 
And I wanted to find that campground
But I discovered that although I had no idea I was going to end up where I did,
It had a better view.