The Catastrophic Endeavors of Angst

When I was enthrawled by you it seemed as if I could never get enough.
Now that I am older and know better I want nothing to do with you.
What I'm battling with now is not my own frigid self-image but rather the acceptance of life's conundrum: you can only get what you want when you're finally over it.
I'm over it. I'm over you. I'm over the crippling status of independant fool who can't seem to keep her knees from giving-way whenever you walk within a 50 foot radius.

We sat in the back of your car talking about how "God won't let you have a girlfriend," and how you just can't seem to get a girl to like you even though I was sitting 20 inches away desperately trying to keep my lips from trying to touch yours and my eyes from falling in love with yours over and over again.

Others described you as psycho, while the only words that came to mind when I looked at you were charming and charismatic. That description slowly wore off due to the repeated occasions where you would ask me how to get a certain someone to fall for you just as I was mustering up the courage to tell you that I was more than willing to be that certain someone.

If only you knew how many journal pages I have dedicated to you. Many of them nothing you could read without feeling immediately morose and the others a mixture of giddyness and infatuation with topped with a thin crust of appreciation.

Now all of those pages consist somewhat of animosity and pity. Not pity towards myself but towards you and your inability to see what's right in front of you. I've repeatedly thought about lighting it on fire but I feel like that would ruin the structural integrity of the book and that's worth more than any potential relationship with you; which you so clearly pointed out.

 Here's for the many hours we spent together laughing and you playing guitar and me attempting to follow along in harmony. Here's to us going on endless drives and talking about where we'll be a year from now and hopign we're still best friends and spend every second together (because that's not misleading at all). Here's to you teaching the value of sarcasm because as of late it has come in pretty handy. Here's to us going our seperate ways because I am much more solaced with knowing that I am no longer chasing after something that never wanted to be mine.